I took my daughter to her 3rd grade friend’s birthday party today. As I watched the family celebrate their daughter it was sweet to see the joy on her friend’s face. However, the dad often goofed around with his daughter so to speak. He would do little things to “pester” her to make her laugh. The daughter thought he was so funny and enjoyed his playful interactions.
It reminded me so much of how Bryant would interact with our kids. He had a way of saying the silliest things to get a laugh out of them or bantering with them as fathers do. I took slow, deep breaths to hold back the tears. I hate it that she doesn’t have that anymore, and I don’t know how to be that for her or the other kids.
This same friend's dad came and ate lunch with her recently at school and Achaia got to join them. Bryant used to do that, too, (like in this photo) but she won't ever have that again.
Sometimes these moments hit so unexpectedly and I kind of carry them with me throughout the day until the kids are all in bed and I can just come to my room and finally cry like I wanted to at the party.
It’s been 13 months since Bryant was last in our home and it’s been 11 months since he passed away. I still cannot comprehend that he is gone, and I sometimes wonder if it will ever feel real? I just still cannot comprehend it. This is never what I pictured our lives would be like.
I pray for God to fill the void with joy and laughter for my kids with fun moments. I promised Bryant that I would do all that I could to give them a good life for him and I’m trying to purpose to do that. Today was just really hard.
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